Online Geeking Summit

If you are a stereotypical person, you would often claim a person who reads a lot of books, spends more time on a computer and wears black or khaki slacks on a high waistline as a nerd. If a person enjoys more time playing online games rather than going out with “real” friends instead of pixelized ones, then he would happen to be a dork as well.

I’m sorry to say, even though I have some characteristics that would easily identify me as a geek, I happen to believe that I am a stereotypical person as well. And an ass…if you don’t mind.

I knew that all these nerds would think they are cool if they go to a venue called “NBC Tent at The Fort”. But for an event called “Online Gaming Summit”, I think it’s a big burst in their bubble. What do you expect to see in an “Online Gaming Summit”? Guys who work out and surfs in Bora? Girls who shops at Greenbelt? Cool dudes with cool cars?

NO!

All you could see in that place are GEEKS. Geeks geeks geeks geeks geeks geeks geeks geeks geeks geeks GEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEKKKKKKKKKKKKKSSSSSSSSS!!!!

Geeks in all shapes and sizes. The usual fat bastards who think they are smarter than anyone, those thin, smelly, dorks who wears school pants and topsiders, even nerds in costume! The only beautiful people there are the models HIRED by the sponsors to give some spark to the event.

But the pathetic thing is…even though this place has models and bands like Mojofly, the dorks don’t give a damn shit about it! Nothing is more important to them than free gameplay!!!

Sure, there’s a cute “live” girl wearing an archer costume, but for them…nothing’s more cooler than a level 255 Muse Elf which looks so sexy on the VGA screen!



Those geeks barely notice the best things on the event.


Come on Nerds! That is why events like these take place, you SOCIALIZE with people! Those pointdexters never even talk to each other, except through “ingame” chat. And they don’t care about eating as well…those dweebs playing MU and Gunbound never left their “free gaming” desk for ten straight hours! Those poor little kids who had a hard time trying to convince their moms to go that event end up playing nothing at all!

Feeling that I had a spare of luck...I saw a spare seat after going around in repetitive order (just like playing trip to Jerusalem until I could find a free seat) but only to be reprimanded by a thin oaf (who only took a pee) saying that it’s his place and why did I fail to see his powerful Blade Knight on the monitor screen. “I’m already at level 215, can’t you see?” he brags. I was about to say “Can’t you see I’m obviously the bigger guy and I could smash your frail body to a bloody pulp?!” but looking at my young cousins who’s behind me, I decided not to ruin their day.


A geek girl stares blankly at nothingness. Sorry, no lovelife for you, ever!


The only game that I had the chance to play was Khan, which by the way, sucked totally (in every aspect I’ve known), no wonder no one goes near to their play area.

So in the end, I took my cousins back home and left the geeks with their free playing time. It seems that they are too focused in attaining the highest level possible in the game they play, and not too sensitive about their selfishness. But what's more sad is…your high level also represents the huge amount of time you've stayed in that virtual world (we are talking about months and months sitting on your pc). Investing a large amount of time means sacrificing your social life (if any) and even your time maintaining good oral hygiene.

It alsp seems to me that subconsciously, they want to be isolated in that pixaled visual computer world.

I guess it just made sense. They don’t even want to look at the mirror and see how pathetic they’ve become, the only mirror they wanted to see was through the monitor…which displays a powerful hero, respected and feared by virtual players in their land. Too bad “real life” is the exact opposite.

So I think we should give them something they wanted, which is isolating them from our normal day-to-day lives.

Idiot’s guide to a "high socialite life" part 1

Sadly, socialites idolize this pathetic faggot.


If in case you browse this blog by mistake, then this is the luckiest mistake you’ve had in your life. So stop surfing on nude children and read something with more sense.

In case you missed the title I wrote above (since it doesn’t contain any words related to “children” and “smutt”) it’s my very first “Idiot’s guide” article. This time, I’ll help you poor social climbers to be at par with the so called “IN” crowd. You don’t want to be left behind don’t you? In this superficial world where good things are stuff that people are ashamed of, you don’t want to be a nobody.

"But wait a minute Agaton!" you might say, "These type of people shouldn't be imitated! Surely, you know that?!". Indeed, you have a point. But being the immature asshole that I am, I would still help social climbers to be at par with the likes of Gretchen Barretto.

Now let's get back to the topic, shall we?

How would you know you’re a nobody? It’s simple, answer these questions:

If you answer a “NO”, please stop immediately and proceed directly to the guide below.

1. Are you surfing on your OWN (not rented) computer?
2. Is this a notebook computer? (laptops, for the un-updated lay person)
3. If yes, are you using an 802.11b WIFI Connection?
4. Are you in a WIFI connected area?
5. If yes…are currently you drinking coffee that costs more than a hundred fifty pesos?

If you said “YES” on all the questions, please stop now and look at the mirror,it’s either you’re a rich socialite or a rich geek. Rich geeks are still rejects, sorry.


THE GUIDE

Here are the rules the you MUST follow:


1. Accept that you are an idiot

That’s why I call it an idiot’s guide. You decided to read this guide because you believe that you are an idiot in this field. Well, you could be an idiot in general, who knows? But the lesson I’m trying to lay out here is “knowing and accepting” yourself…you’ve been denying yourself for too long pal.Now that you’re done with the hardest part…I strongly suggest you go on…


2. “SM” is a social sin

If you want to be “sosyal” then avoid going or even mentioning “Shoe Mart”.SM is an abbreviation for “Sa Masa”. Have you visited it’s food court? How about Goldilocks? It is one of the most disgusting places on earth, and the food they serve there are the same stuff served in hell. Common people, moggles, jologs, whatever you call them…visit these places, they would go to a nearby SM wearing slippers and spitting on the tiled floors.

If you aim to be a socialite, you should be in Alabang Town Center, in Greenbelt, Shangri-La, or Power Plant. Glorietta is slowly being engulfed by “masa” (those floor spitters) and Podium is owned by SM (yuck!), so you should stay away from those places as well.


3. Prepare to “Name Drop”, “Brand Drop”, and “Place Drop”

Socialites have a way of identifying the fakes in their group, and this is requires some rich social intelligence. I’m not saying these are smart people, most of them are dumber than a paper plate, but they definitely have a lot of “above Class A” type of acquaintances, know a lot of expensive (and very rare) brand names, and rich locations (you should practice naming those places in Europe!). So be prepared to be “socially” educated as well!

I would help you with brands:

Don’t say Penshoppe or Bench…say Top Shop or Mango.

Don’t say Leonardo Bags, please…say Burberry or Loius Vuitton.

Don't say Step-in, Spartan or Advan...say Florsheim or Naturalizer.

When you talk about Japanese food, don’t mention Tokyo Tokyo, it’s the Japanses fastfood resto for cheapskates who buy inedible food. You could safely mention Teriyaki Boy or Saisaki at least.

Starbucks is where the “semi-moggles” go. They save up for a week justto get a frapuccino or white mocha and stay there till death. Go where the socialites call as “alternatives”. UCC is one good example or even Figaro.But please, keep you voice down when talking to a friend, and don’t mention anything you saw in GMA 7 or Abs-Cbn, or how good the Sex Bomb Dancers are. The rich brats are the one who does the loud yakking, even on a cellphone. They just want to be recognized, that’s all. What’s more important than being recognized in this world of fakes right?

Remember, when eating out, only order salad. Socialites only eat salad at restaurants.They eat all the gross, fattening stuff at home. But when people are present, they always want to be a health buff. If not, they would always be assertive. I remember this fat woman in Fridays who ordered a cheeseburger full of fries, chicken fingers, and fried mozzarella but cancelled all her orders and left when she discovered that they have no “diet coke” available.

Remember, socialites know nothing about street foods, so don’t even try to brag your knowledge about it. They don’t even know what a fishball or minalamig is. So please don’t mention anything that costs lower than a hundred bucks each.

4. If you don’t have a cellphone with color, cam and video player, hide it please!!!

If you still posses an old type of phone, hide it in their presence. Remember, cellphones are social IDs for them. They could easily identify you with your phone. You should also have an MP3 player (an iPod) with you too. And NEVER EVER mention anything about Pasa-load or prepaid.

to be contiued...(believe or not!)

"Has-beens" in concert

Oh no...


This is no shocker, ladies and gentlemen. Sure, “Boyz II Men” is definitely one of the best R&B groups of the 90’s. No doubt. I couldn’t even contest to that fact (even though I hate black people). But like Michael Jackson, who also became a hit in the 80’s…they are now useless people with no use at all (pardon the redundancy).

Sure, they’ve made good hits like “I’ll make love to you”. But you could never “score” now if you played that song to a girl, you would even feel the harsh slap of rejection as a consequence for digging that song out from the grave.

C’mon, the group is not even complete anymore! So what the heck is that concert for last Friday?

After being postponed twice, don’t you think pushing such debauchery is the best thing to do?

What do they think about us Filipinos? Do they think this is a place for has-beens? Since no one goes here frequently anyway?

I guess it worked for David Pomeranz and Keith Martin…who has been in our country more than Paris Hilton had sexual partners.

I don’t know why other Filipinos are going crazy on these “has beens”. If you go to the states right now and mention their name, people would be saying “David who?”, “Keith what?! Who the fuck is that?!”, and you would me mauled terribly for bringing up some nonsense.

These guys are nobody. And what’s painful about it, they think they are “somebody” if they are in the Philippines. That thought really sucks.

How about those old farts who proclaim that they are the “Cascades”. Who gives a fuck about dead people anyway?!!! But some stupid old Filipinos did. Even with the presence of the internet, they didn’t even realize that they’re rip offs!

Anyway, that didn’t happen with Boyz II Men. Scalpers even had a hard time giving the tickets for free. Kahit sa mga iskwater hindi nila maipamigay. “Sino yan? Siksbam bay an?”, “Bigyan mo na lang ako ng pangkain kesa manood ng mga negro!”. So the show is a complete failure. There came an incomplete group, singing songs to a very incomplete crowd. I guess the only crowd who came are “has been” lovers as well…or those who are too outdated with life that they think Fra Lippo Lippi is still on top of the Billboard charts. Take Aiko Melendez for example, another “has been” who came with "date"...or someone who has the money that she could suck deep into because she's soooooooooo loooooong ago.


So if you’re a washed up music superstar or Debbie Gibson, don’t you dare come to the Philippines and think we would go crazy on seeing you. You should accept the fact that you’re already done with…you big loser. That’s how showbusiness works.