More burgers in a day (part two)

I am addicted to burgers. But I guess you know that by now.

I guess upon reading an article I made months ago, about that fateful day I ate six cheeseburgers just to find the best and cheapest burger in Manila, you might think I have this "thing" for burgers.

One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten.

So there.

I already gave you ten seconds to realize that I am addicted to burgers. Well, I am! But not to the point that I would sell my body for a burger....

...maybe for two or three burgers at least.

Then the story started one day, when I met a casual friend at Friday's here in Morato/Bayoran area. He called me as he leaves his table..."Hey burger guy!", I answered "Yes mister 'not so important to remember' ". He approached me as I was busily stuffing chicken fingers on my cheeseburger and said "You're not a burger fan if you never tasted the hand crafted burgers of Ruby Tuesday!" with a twist of flair apparent on his twitching eyebrows. I grabbed the last chicken finger and slowly inserted it in my burger before looking up at him saying "Is that a gay statement? Or you just want to brag? You know we never had that restaurant in Manila. Do they have that back in Brokeback Mountain?". He answered with a loud (and scary for a straight guy) kind of laugh and wiped a tear in his eye, below his curled eyebrows. "You really don't have any idea?! I cannot believe this...so much for being a so called 'burger fan' " then he waved as he giggled his way back to his table and finishes his girlish ceasar salad.

I never imagined that I would be so heavily affected by such comment, specially coming from a person that I don't consider as a person most of the time. Oh my. My heart sank, but not from the heavy grease of processed cow meat...I never even started lunch yet, but from a random criticism that shouldn't even affect me.

I tried laughing it off, but sad tears fell from my eyes. I found out that it's hard to laugh when you're supposed to cry (and maybe vice-versa, but never tried it yet) plus the dreadful degeneration of self esteem upon doing it in public.

For the first time, I lost my appetite on a Friday's restaurant (which rarely happens since I always finish any expensive dish). I immediately left my seat and booked a flight to the nearest commercially available city in the US with a Ruby Tuesday. Yes, I didn't pay for that lunch.


You know what? The next thing I knew, I was booked on a flight to Narita - Detroit which leaves in a few hours.
I grabbed my jacket (I knew it's somewhat cold in January there) and waited painstainkingly (wow! a new word!) for 20 hours just to reach Detroit.

Guess what? People at Homeland Security won't even let me in Detroit airport. So I decided to slip in another plane, which happens to be heading on Raleigh, North Carolina. I asked the flight attendant if there's a Ruby Tuesday in Raleigh, she politely said yes even if she never understood tagalog. So there...off to Raleigh I went.



Boy, Raleigh could be the dullest place in America. Everywhere you went, there was a thick fog surrounding it.
People seems to get contented with the thick fog and lived normally with it...but I could definitely NOT stand it! I remember a time when I almost lost my mind and I cursed at the townsfolk, calling them "Fog people" and those ugly amphibians as "Fog frogs". But never mind, at least I shoved the "Dullest place in America" thing here. I have to! For all you can see are trees, fog, more trees, thicker fog, moooooore trees, thiiiiiicccckkkkkeeeer fog, more more more mooooore trees...(you know the drill) and those stupid locals who cannot even drive in daylight without turning on their headlights while driving 10 miles an hour.

As you can see, Raleigh is surrounded by interstates. The city itself is DIVIDED by interstates. So whenever I have to buy a bottle of water, I have to cross three interstates just to reach the nearest grocery. So it took me some time to figure out the nearest (and only) Ruby Tuesday in the city.



Yes, I look so happy on the picture above. I finally found the place. It was located near Starbucks (which happens to appear on every block) at the Crabtree Valley Mall. My heart was pounding beneath the thick Raleigh fog as I slowly pushed the entrance door. Damn, it was closed! I never even knew that they don't offer breakfast!

Well, I was hungry, so I immediately went for a substitute that indeed serves breakfast.




At the time Ruby Tuesday opened, my belly was full of scramble eggs, sausages and good old Amercian grease.
Then I decided to pursue my quest tomorrow and just spend the day watching US Television and listening to Satellite Radio, the only two cool things to do in Raleigh. Unless you would spend time staring at yourself in a mirror and feeling sorry about yourself and consider it as a "cool thing to do".


I spent the next day dilligently preparing my personal wastebasket for a hearty dinner at Ruby Tuesdays. Most of the afternoon I was counting crows (pardon the pun) at my window and flipping over good American entertainment on TV: Judge Judy, Judge Joe Brown, Judge Mills Lane and Judge Mathis! Alright! Court TV till your eyes pop out!
Anyway, I was just in time for that questful dinner, but then I was really out of luck, it was a Sunday. At sundays, stores closes at 6pm. Yup, my jaws dropped as well, out of shock and out of hunger. Another day wasted.

So I realize, being tomorrow as my final day: I would wait for the store to open at lunch time, eat lunch for half an hour, rush back to Raleigh-Duhram Airport and fly back to Manila. Easy plan right?

I did the plan flawlessly (at least for the "waiting for store to open at lunch" thingie), but again surprised by the fact that mondays are "No Beef Days", which means no beef served on mondays. The thought alone is cynical...downright demonic! "NO BEEF! Whatthefu.......alright I'll get the chicken Burger then!" I said while I gave a fake smile to the waitress.

As if the world is going to end, fire and brimstones are falling out of the sky, dogs and cats living together (thanks Bill Murray)...my food never came after half an hour. I was at the edge of my seat, starting to have this insanely cruel panic attack, but recovered when the girl tossed this piece of junk on my table...



"What's this crap?" I asked.

"That's the Ruby's Special Chicken Burger!" she answered without that fake smile I used.

"Not it's not!" I answered back.

"Yes, it is!" she was somehow irritated.

"NO IT IS NOT" I was practicing all I've learned at Assertive School here.

"YES. IT IS!" she was a toughie.

"NOOOOOOOOOO IIIIIIIIITTTTTTTSSSSS NOOOOOOOOOOTTTTT!"

"YYYYYYYYEEEEEEESSSSSSSSSS IIIIIIIIITTTTTTTTT IIIIIIIIISSSSSSSS!"
she answered back.


The thing I wrote above went on and on till I realized that I have a few minutes before my plane leaves the airport. So immediately left my seat, giving this "It's all your fault" gaze at the sixteen year old freckled waitress. Again, I didn't pay the bill.

Fast forward a week. I find myself back at T.G.I Fridays here in Morato, eating some burgers that I never had in Raleigh when I saw my "pal" eating another plate of salad.

"Hey! Salad guy!" I called him. "Hey Burger guy! I haven't seen you here in a week!" he answered me.

"You know.." I said as I approached his table, "You're not a salad fan if..." then I grabbed his plate and tossed it on his face. "If you never had an IN YOUR FACE tossed". And left the faggot in his table.

Yes, I didn't pay my bill.