Some favorite quotes

Before I post my next rant (which mostly involves all those militant groups), I would like to lighten things up first here...with my lifelong favorite quotes! Now...this would really look like a BLOG! Just take time and think about these:

"The early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese."

"Ambition is a poor excuse for not having enough sense to be lazy."

"Hard work pays off in the future. Laziness pays off now."

"Everyone has a photographic memory. Some just don't have film."

"Shin: a device for finding furniture in the dark."

"Many people quit looking for work when they find a job."

"I intend to live forever - so far, so good."

"If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?"

"Boycott shampoo! Demand the REAL poo!"

"What happens if you get scared half to death twice?"

"I used to have an open mind but my brains kept falling out."

"I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder."

"Why do psychics have to ask you for your name?"

"To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research."

"You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive."

"The problem with the gene pool is that there is no lifeguard."

"Change is inevitable....except from vending machines."

"Plan to be spontaneous tomorrow."

"If at first you don't succeed, then skydiving definitely isn't for you."

These quotes look familiar? Of course, they came from my fave deadpan comedian, Steven Wright!