The truth about men and dogs

Hey! What is this?!


For more than 9,000 years, man have domesticated dogs and sheltered them into their homes. Some old carvings of domesticated dogs have been found in Jaguar Cave long before the existence of email. The old Chinese empire has been using dogs for hunting and war. Even the ancient Egyptians had mummified domesticated dogs, according to archeological findings. Yet, even with that vast amount of time given to us, we really don’t have any idea why do they exist there with us.

We just know that men and dogs could exist together under one roof, like a member of the family (or even better than your jerk brother). As if there’s a special connection between them (it could either be mental or just the plain smell), and everyone has to agree that dogs are truly man’s best friend.

And because of these strong facts, women (not exactly in general) tend to compare these mutts to men. Isn’t that amazing? Definitely, we can’t compare women to dogs, since dogs can’t spend 8 hours in a shopping mall and drain your credit limit. Although we oftentimes call them bitches, women still have more proof in their hands than we have against theirs. Before I get more confused knowing who have more proof against the other who have lesser proof against the better, I should go on and present the proof that my female friend gave me:

1) Dogs love food

Whenever you approach your pet dog, they would always seem to get very excited. I’m sorry, it’s not that they miss you or they are very happy to see you again…they’re just excited because they expect you to give them food. That’s it. Even if you don’t have any food in your hands, they would always expect that it would come around anytime. Sometimes they even fantasize about your thick arm and how they would spend all day chewing on that large chunk of meat. When you set them for a walk, they would always sniff around just to look for food. They would often sniff their own turd and hope that it's food. Sometimes they do consider dung as part of their diet...making a healthy recycling process.

Like dogs, most men always think about food as well. Even if they’re already eating, they would always think forward and wonder about the next meal (which usually occurs less than an hour). Sometimes it even represents power and masculinity, the one who eats more than anyone else on the table is “macho”. The Philippine National Police, for example, is a heavily equipped with these “macho” guys. Most men are not too typical about taste, texture, presentation, or how they are cooked...they would eat anything! Even dog s for that matter!

2) They are sex driven

Dogs are also mad with mating…so does men. Like food, sexual activity also represents masculinity. Being a man-whore is never a bad thing…actually, men would even bow down to you in reverence. Dogs aren’t ashamed of their sexuality as well...if they see a bitch down the street, they would sniff and lick their butt, then bang her that instant. Privacy is not that important to dogs. Most men today doesn't care about privacy as well. They still love to do "sexual acts" in public (or in another public form: media). Also, most of them are desperate to bone Anne Curtis. Come on! She’s a sweet, charming, little girl…don’t treat her as a slut! Well, there are proofs but then who cares?! She’s a still a sweet little girl with an annoying voice.

3) They piss anywhere

I remember a time when I try to find a decent restaurant where I could take a leak. My colleague said that I should piss at a nearby wall. I hesitated and he called me gay. Mind you, my colleague is a homo. When a homo (real fag) tells you’re gay (a pinoy desription of weak), then you must be the gayest guy in Makati at that time. I got really pissed off that I wet my pants. C’mon, it’s not a macho thing! It’s decency! Dogs pee around to mark territory in order for them remember where they are, most men pee around just because they have to?!

So, the facts given above are really strong. But unlike females (who has this passion of stereotyping people), we men are all not the same. Some men are not sex-driven. Some men are not hungry bastards. Some men don’t just piss off wherever they felt the need. Too bad they are attracted to the wrong type of guys.

It's just that women always get the "fucked-up" type of men. These guys are scams. They are the "Family First" of menhood. So ladies, don't spread your legs on these type of oafish apes so you won't end up with ridiculous theories and judgements.



My skin is badly burnt.